I am noticing it has been quite a while since I wrote a new blog entry. ALOT has happened, in fact the word "alot" is kinda small compared with the changes I have experienced in the past six months. We are now living back in Orlando, I moved in with my sister and her family. We left pennsylvania July 4th. The drive was hell, it took two days as I could not drive straight thru. My truck made it and I have been using it since I got here.
Nothing went the way it was supposed to. I made plans to start Mary Kay with one of my friends. The first Monday I was here I had the whole day planned out. I was gonna get all nice and go over to her house, she was gonna walk me through using text to get some facial parties. After we were gonna go out and try to find a dress I didn't look totally fat in and I could stand since I really don't like dresses. Let me pause....
I do like dresses, but I hate when someone tells me if I wear a dress I look more professional and other women would more likely buy from me if I was wearing a dress. Really?? Are women just as stereotypical about what women wear as everyone else?? We get pissed at men for objectifying women cause of what we wear and here is someone telling me that my clients/customers/whatever will judge me because of what I wear?? Nice.
Anyways, after shopping I was gonna go to my first Mary Kay meeting at the shop. I was supposed to have an awesome day with one of my best friends. It didn't turn out that way at all.
It started as planned, I did get dressed nice and go over to her house but she was so tired it took hours to get the texting done. I had to prompt her with every little thing. Then after a bit, she laid out on the couch and started falling asleep. Here I am expecting we would go out and look for a dress, I needed her to help me pick one that looked nice since all I would see if a fat person trying to look nice. I got so upset, I just left to do it myself. I couldn't really get mad at her cause I know what kind of hard time she has been going through the last few months. So I just swallowed my anger and left. I told her I would come back when it was time to go to the meeting. She didn't have alot of gas and I still had plenty. She said that we had to leave her house no later than 6:30pm. I went out and did find a few dresses I could stand. At home when I was getting ready, I realized, I didn't have any underwear. Yes I know, but I am always wearing jeans, and the last two times I tried buying underwear, I first bought some too big, then too small so I just gave up. I texted my friend at 6pm saying I had a problem that might prevent me from going since they want you in a dress. She didn't get back to me, and after about 15 mins I asked if I could just wear pants. I got no answer and 6:25 I texted saying I was just gonna wear pants and I would be right there. I still got no answer. I arrived at her home at 6:34, 4 mintues past what I was supposed to be. You would assume that if I was late, the person I was picking up would be pacing and irritated watching for when I arrived. When I got there another friend of ours, a guy friend, his bike was there. This guy I was currently mad at for slowly freezing me out of his life ever since this girl friend I am currently talking about became single. I am used to coming in second place whenever a guy meets her but I thought this guy had enough balls to tell me he wasn't interested in me like that anymore. Anyways, when I saw his bike, and the fact that she hadn't been answering me AND she had been very tired and depressed earlier that day. I thought she may have been sleeping or having sex, and neither was I gonna walk in on. So I called, and texted, and waited. Waited several mintues, then decided to leave.
Well within a min or two of pulling away she calls me back yelling at me that I left and now she is gonna look like an ass for breaking a promise to her director about our attendance. She didn't wanna hear anything I had to say and I couldn't tell her why I was mad at our guy friend cause I still hadn't confronted him yet. I ended up buying a 12 pack of bud and sitting in my truck drinking until my sister got home.
So yeah, my plans started going wrong right away. My Mary Kay friend spent alot of time with this guy that prevented me from spending any time with her. I never knew when he was there or not and I did NOT want to see him with her in the same room. I had already watched it once, both ways, and I couldn't do it again. We did try to get together for an event, but that went bad too. This time she would pick me up, I got up early, dressed early, and was waiting for her an hour before her event started. Long about the time the event was supposed to start, I fell asleep waiting for her and never heard my phone since I was in my room and it was in the living room. My daughter didn't come get me when it rang either. She finally called me an hour after the event should have started. I woke up when my sister came into the room after getting off work and I checked my phone. I texted my friend and she said "I tried calling but figured you just bailed again" really?? I bailed?? I didn't fucking "bail" either time. But of course, she wont see it that way cause its me that is the loser. I am the fucking loser that can never do anything right. She sees me that way and I am guessing that wont change. So I am just done with the whole thing.
Of course, she doesnt know any of this and I am not gonna tell her cause its not like she would believe me anyways. I am a loser, remember.
So once my savings ran out, I started donating plasma. I registered with the local temp agency but no job yet. And I ran into an old friend.
I was just sitting at home and suddenly got this overwhelming urge to go to the Walmart. I didn't need anything but it was so overwhelming I couldn't ignore it. So I loaded up my girls and went. And who did I see but an old boyfriend I treated badly. He was really happy to see me and we exchanged phone numbers. My phone was off at the time but a few days later I got it back on and texted him. He invited me over for dinner and since it was a school night I went alone. We had a great time, talked about everything and ended up making out for six hours. I went home around 5 in the morning. It felt so good being with him and I have been seeing/dating him for about a month now. He still had issues trusting me, I am the one who broke off our relationship 13 years ago. But we are working through them, and he says he trusts me just worries I will do it again. I can't blame him either, I told him I will work every day to earn his trust back.
We go scrapping together most days and he is so patient with me. Noone understands why I am seeing him but if anyone ever really looks at him and sees how much he already loves me, they would understand.
He had an interview yesterday and got the job, and he is talking to a college about a design degree. He is an awesome artist, he draws, paints, writes music, plays music, and writes comics. We went to Artlando together last weekend and we saw Peter Frampton downtown last night. I spend every Saturday night at his place and little Lila has spent the night a few times as well. They get along well together and he is really patient with her. Raven seems to like him too and remembers him from when she was small.
One more big change to mention. I started working on my Masters degree in Elementary Education. I am at the end of my third week of my first class. Doing good so far. 97% so far in my class. Still waiting on my loan to go through so I will have some money. Currently my phone is off but I am hoping for enough money from ebay by tuesday to have it back on. My guys' birthday is next week and I am hoping to take him to dinner and get him something I know he will LOVE. Then I got Raven's birthday next and Halloween.
Hope I will get back to you before all that but if not I will be here to update you when I do.
Love you all, and thanks for reading.
Oh, watch my youtube channel, working on a good copy of a song my guy wrote to post. Very exciting!!
